chaotic888 wrote:I lied it wasn’t hallucinations....I was being silenced... this is the unimth time I’ve tried to leave...I’ve asked John to stop with the sexual stuff he hasn’t ...I’m in the hospital feeling suicidal because John has been in my field bombarding me for two days for trying to leave the group...any comments would be greatly appreciated.
You are not alone in winding up battling suicidal thoughts after too-close contact with John. My guess - and it is an educated one, based on experience - is that John attracts, magnetizes, people (esp women) with traumatic imprints from early childhood and, deliberately or not, that he triggers or reactivates those trauma-patterns in order to "hook" people. In my own experience, there is an opportunity in this, regardless of what John's motives might be, since it allowed me to identify those patterns that he was able to hook into. Getting free of John, in other words, may depend on getting free of something in our own past that he is able to exploit, but did not create.